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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2014 19:29:29 GMT -5
Name: Tigerpaw
Gender: Tom
Age: 9 moons at death
Alliance: Starclan
Rank: Apprentice
Appearance: Tigerpaw has a ginger pelt, and black stripes run across his back. His chest is white, and his eyes are a deep amber. His body is small. However, his tail and legs are longer than other cats. His tail is tipped with black. His ears are smaller than the average cats, and his whiskers are medium length. His claws are smooth because he hasn't been in many battles.
Personality: He's very caring and loving. He has a sweet spot for kits and elders. He hasn't changed much since he died. He's very cheerful, and can often be protective. Tigerpaw can get pretty vicious when his loved one is in trouble, or being teased. He's usually calm, but snaps when under pressure. He rarely lies, but can when it's to protect his family or loved ones. Speaking of loved ones, he often gets atattched to newcomers, especially kits or elders because of his sweet spot as stated above.
History: Born to two regular Thunderclanners, he was the youngest of the bunch. Shadekit and him were the only two that were born. Their kithood was as normal as any other kits childhood. Soon, his apprentice ceramony came. Shadekit became Shadepaw and Tigerkit became Tigerpaw. A few days into his apprenticehood, he was attacked by a fox, losing his life while his brother watched in horror. When he arrived at Starclan, he watched his brother become Shadepelt and join Riverclanto be with his love, Beeflower who had given birth to the wonderous Lilystar.
Other: Part of Willowkit's plot.
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Post by Jinx on Jan 24, 2014 13:58:36 GMT -5
Looks good so far, the only problem I have is in the appearance section. First, you have only five sentences, and you need at least six. Also, you repeat yourself twice, e.g. "He has an orange pelt. It is a bright orange", and "His body is small, and so is the rest of his body". It would be good if you could change 'orange' to something like 'bright ginger' or 'russet', just so it sounds a bit more realistic.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2014 18:28:15 GMT -5
Sorry, I'll fix that. ^~^
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2014 18:31:21 GMT -5
Fixed~~
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Post by Jinx on Jan 25, 2014 11:36:46 GMT -5
Accepted!
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